Friday, December 11, 2015

I am dreaming, the Oilers are winning

I don't need a christmas present because I got mine when the Oilers recalled Leon Draisaitl.  Watching him play with Taylor Hall I can't help but wonder if Hall has asked Leon where you have been all my life.  Together the two are starting to form a dangerous duo that would rival Batman and Robin.  I don't like comparing players to other players who came before in Edmonton because I loved those players who came before.  No player or team will ever rival the Oilers of the 80's to a child who grew up with them.  That isn't to say this team, these players can't be good, it is more with how you see the world when you are young.  The falling asleep dreaming of being Gretzky when in theory you were old enough to still have a chance at being 99.  When you get older reality sets in and the fact you can't skate, shoot or pass would severely limit ones ability to be the next great one.  Still even though these players are not Messier and Gretzky this years Oiler's are starting to make me enjoy hockey again after years upon years of anger, frustration and turning off the TV as the games had become painful to watch.  I am scared to believe and hope this is not a mirage.  Go Oilers GO!!!

Wife pinch me... 

Graham Iceman


Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Big bags of ice save edmonton wedding photos from warm beer face.

The day of your wedding comes and to kill time before the ceremony your bridesmaids are playing on tumblr where they found a blog post by Bob, your former manager when you were a waitress who was silly enough to use his real name online.  While taking a moment to grab a tea outside away from everyone before you put your dress on, you pull up the blog on your iPad and start to read...  

I walked up to the door of the mental health and addiction clinic.  Apparently meth addicts and the mentally ill are the same thing in Alberta and need require the same treatment.   I chatted up a guy in the waiting room who said it only took him almost dying on meth to get in quick.    Made me wonder if I should start using drugs. Maybe it would of been faster to see a psychiatrist than the two years I had to wait.  You could always kill someone to get help I joked.  Meth Addicted laughed and wondered out loud how that would go over in court. Well judge the doctor said I could see a shrink if I were a threat to myself or other people.  I tried hard judge to be a threat to myself, cutting, pills, drugs, and drinking in order to qualify in Alberta to see a psychiatrist in a timely manner but was told up to two years.  The only choice left was to stab someone.  We both laughed at this.  I wonder if sane folk would laugh at that.  

There are so many stupid, idiotic, maddening layers where you have to share some of a story you don't ever want to share with anyone to find the right person to talk to for an hour and then you are bounced back to your doctor after two years of not killing yourself.  A doctor who does not know any of the stories of my life.  Mentally ill people are great actors because we are ashamed to be mentally ill, so we pretend real well until bang, we grow tired of waiting for anything to release me of the prison that is my mind.  All you want as a mentally ill person is a single trained professional.  To be able to see that one single person until you are able to live your life in a productive manner.  Being fucked in the head is not fun. Cutting yourself because you do not know how to deal with the intensity of emotion that rips through your chest until pain snaps you out of it isn't exactly the weekend event on the top of most to do lists.   

Shrink didn't help me that day.  He couldn't help me in an hour as I didn't know the him well enough to open up.  I didn't even know the right words to use.  I got a male shrink which made me uncomfortable.  I am unable to talk to men about anything other than male sex stories or sports.  The environment wasn't conducive to opening up.  The whole thing was rather useless, a bandaid for the open wound that has been my life left more open after discussing things that make me go home and cut myself deeper than usual, just to close the wound inside.  It was then I gave up on the so called Universal Healthcare in Canada when it came to what ailed my mind.  If I had a physical booboo then it was great but anything that does not fit within the realm of the physical, such as mental illness, the healthcare in Canada is a joke.  

I got lucky though.  We find people who become role models or become surrogate fathers for a time when our own are...well are out of the picture.  I don't quite know why Ernie hired me... 

 

...

You had to stop reading because it was making your eyes water which didn't exactly go with your expensive make up job.  Even though you didn't know Bob well he was always nice to you and he was your name buddy.  Two unique vowels in a world of consonants. 

Being a waitress wasn't for you, needing to give the orders instead of taking them.   NAIT was the school of choice to get an education leading to long term employment until the price of oil fell.  Now you Pip, an unique i between two common p's, hold a road sign for a local ready-mix concrete company.  When it came to men, you always craved depth but fell for a dishwasher turned seeing eye person for blind dogs apprentice whose deepest thoughts did not extend beyond should I get Pilsner or Bud.  The type of person who wouldn't even think of trying a craft beer.  The typical Saskatchewan Rough Rider fan working in Alberta.  
Fred is Yummy
Your gay bff who has a working man fetish has always adored Fred a little too much.  Fred is yummy in the tummy if eyes had a tummy to feel yummy.  He may not be all that articulate but he will be a good provider your mom reminds you when you get cold feet and at the end of the day, the only reason you exist is to pass on your DNA.  You love your mom and have one of those mommy daughter almost cry moments stopping because of make up concerns.  

Nobody laughed or fell asleep during the long religious ceremony for your Wildrose parents who didn't talk to you for a whole week when you told them you voted for the NDP.  Not wanting to spook grandma, Babs, your gay bff went drag, even trying to flirt with the preacher who is your father.  Babs has a beard, Duck Dynasty kind, hairy legs, and is referred to as a bear in some communities.  
imagine a man, a beard and red diva hair
Ask Babs
Grandma laughed while your mom had that constipated look religious folk get while around the gay.  Even though she speaks in politically correct ways you know she sees Babs not as flaming but as being in flames.  God love your mom a women who lets those who walked the earth 2000 years ago decide how she should think and act now.  

You look at Fred, the man you are about to marry after walking up the isle, and you want to strangle him.  All you asked of Fred was take care of the booze and don't forget to get lots of ice.  Your first date came from Bob fainting and Fred having the know with all to call Columbia Ice.  The morning of the wedding before the ceremony you got a call from the bartender who was setting up in the hall asking when the booze and ice were arriving.  You called Fred and got his voice mail instead as he was driving back from a night out shooting at bottles, bonfires and cousins.  The anger falls away because it has been that way with everything.  The bride handles the entire wedding while the groom gets to say goodbye to the illusion they are giving up the dream that at any point in there life they would have an opportunity to be Hue Hefner surrounded by beautiful woman all wanting to do the upside down polka.  

It was an easy fix getting big bags of ice delivered to your Edmonton wedding. Hold down a button, say call Columbia Ice Edmonton, to Siri your personal assistant and after a right or two Sandra answers and says you shall have your ice after checking with Bob the Iceman.   It calms you by 50% to not have to stress the ice.  Sandra also mentioned you can pick up bags of ice if needed at Kegs and more because a lot of weddings do not need 12 big bags of ice minimum order for delivery in Edmonton and area.   A press of a finger, call Kegs and More
Image of the outside of kegs and more.
kegs and more Edmonton
Mark answers and says the magic words I can do that, we have plenty of Pilsner in stock and can deliver it to your wedding.  Despite the fact Fred has the short term memory of a 120 year grandpa with alzheimer's you love him and are not naive to the reality you will need to house train Fred and his friends after your I do's.  Teach him the concept of sticky notes or notification apps.  For now though you suck it up because if you want the perfect wedding you know sadly men are colour-blind.  Just showing up not smelling of booze from the bachelor party is hard enough for male DNA.

Neither you or Fred wanted to shake hands with people after the whole Ebola scare.  Fred had been on a flight with someone who had been on a flight with a nurse who was in Africa helping with the outbreak.  Hear Fred tell it, it is like he was there kissing a body, passing on the Ebola himself.  It is your wedding so you put the address to reception under the seats at the church and when everyone looks there is a poof of smoke and you are gone.  Only took ten tries in rehearsal to get that right as you slip out the side door into the hummer limousine.  

No, this is not your idea. Fred is beaming as he called the limo company and upgraded to a hummer.  Something about a hummer makes you think Shrek, the donkey and a giant castle.



This does not bode well for the wedding night because you promised your mother you would wait till marriage.  As you get out of the limo to the community hall you rented for the reception you see an ice truck and Bob coming out of the hall.
ice delivery truck
 

He is slimmer and more muscular than you remember him as you watch him push an empty blue cart out of the hall.  His eyes accidentally meets yours, he looks down, there is a sense of embarrassment as if he was reliving the last time you saw him face up on the floor.  You can't help but laugh as he steps on a strap, the cart stops suddenly sending Bob tumbling with an embarrassing thud where he lands  As quickly as he falls, Bob gets up and throws the cart on the truck, disappears and reappears with an invoice.  

I dislike hummers
By this time Fred has gotten out of the hummer, opened the back hatch to get his runners as to not injure himself by slipping on the dance floor which is too much like the floor at the bowling alley where he hurt his hip.  Bob with the nervous energy of a 14 teen year old boy seeing a girl he likes bounces towards you.  Smack and thud, you try not to laugh as Bob attempts to scalp himself on the back of the hummer hatch left open.  As you help him get up, he mumbles something about navy and smoke detectors on ships.  Looks at you, and then uncomfortably at Fred.  Blood begins to flow from the top of his head.  Fred laughs and takes a picture,  Bob shrugs it off, says I have a first aid kit, you call it ducktape in the truck, gives Fred a card and says text me the image.  Bob walks away, followed my a trail of blood.  Stunned at first you and Fred just stand not really understanding what just happened until Babs breaks the silence.

Who was that iceman?  He is yummy.
bob is Yummy
...to be continued.  These are the imaginary love story of Bob the iceman and the girl that keeps getting away Pip.

Ernie and Sandra are the owners and I am the Master Iceman.  Together we are Ernie Iceman. If you need ice in Edmonton, Spruce Grove, St Albert, Sherwood Park and area for your wedding give Columbia Ice a call.  Yes we will deliver on a weekend if needed.

Until then stay cool.

Graham Iceman
@ernieiceman
780-960-7161
ice@columbiaice.ca
columbiaice.ca
ice is always cool

Follow the tales of bob and pip, an ice story for the ages.


Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Stop crying about getting a ticket for texting in a tim hortons drive thru

It is hard to not text and drive.  Our smartphones have become like a drug dealer and texts, emails, tweets and facebook updates have become our crack.  When you hear that beep, buzz or ring we have to fight like hell to not be compelled by our need to know what is going on where ever with who ever.  There is no logic or reason for this need to see who loves us instantly, it is something we have become addicted to, a text our drug of choice.  I say we because we all struggle with not touching our phones while driving.  Parents, police, kids, women, children, gay or straight or trandgender, black, white, first nations, and aliens share the smartphone addiction which was born with the iphone.

This wouldn't be a big issue if people and aliens could multitask while driving.  The thing is MADD could stand for mothers against distracted driving because move over drunken and booze hounds it is the texter, the take a selfie while driving that is quickly becoming the number one killer on the road.

Let that sink in for a moment.

It is becoming safer to drive around drunk people than it is around texters.

Thus when a cop gives you a ticket because you are dumb enough to text while driving in a Tim Horton's drive thru where cops live.  Can you go to a Tim's and not find a cop when the drive thru is flowing?  We are talking about a coffee and DONUT shop.  You should get a ticket for not using your head, a life, a fender, that yellow thing they have to put in front of drive thru windows is worth more than the time it takes to stop, breath and respond safely without putting other people at risk.

At Tim's you are just annoying everyone around you because you are slow to move up.  We live in a now world.  Everything is so important, there is never enough time, we, need those 30 seconds to make it in the office before your employees get there to appear like you got your stuff together.  On the highway, while driving any vehicle I am incredibly unsafe texting while driving.  There is not a more unsafe ice delivery driver than one who has a phone in right hand and the wheel in his left, eyes somewhere in the middle.

That ticket is to wake you up to the fact that if you are sharing the road with the icemen of Columbia Ice who logic tells you have the same addiction as you.  You are no different than most people who struggle with the exact same issue.  If you put yourself in a situation where the statistic probability a cop will see you texting while driving along with a lot of other people, making the cop look like a dumbass if he or she does not give you a ticket. Man up, you got caught, pay the ticket.  Don't cost the tax payers any money because you feel the rules of the road don't apply to you. Heavy handed isn't a ticket, it is when the heavy hands of the law putting handcuffs on you because you just killed a kid trying to cross the road.

The media that gives a forum to someone who knowing broke the law and got caught needs to give their head a shake.  There is reason why distracted driving is illegal.  It is a good reason and instead of trying to generate unique's by presenting a very slanted perspective of this poor guy who is being mistreated by the police get a clue, see the macro view.  People are unsafe texting and driving.  I know it, you know it, and when you get caught hug your kids when you get home or your wife if all you end up with is a ticket when you drive while texting.

Graham Iceman

Friday, November 27, 2015

Help the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa find their tiny balls.

I didn't even know what cultural appropriation was until I read a story of the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa cancelling a yoga class.  After googling it, I learned cultural appropriation means one culture taking something from another and adopting it as their own.  Thus in reference to this story it would seem to mean the west has adopted yoga from India which made some folks at the University of Ottawa mad enough to complain to the Student Federation.  Anyone who has not lost their balls...


...would look at the complaining party and say while we take your complaint seriously yoga is a healthy, positive activity that can help our students deal with stress, physical and emotional pain.  As Spock once said the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.  We will continue to offer a free class.

Someone like me would of been a little more mouthy and been like it offends me that people in India, the home of yoga, have culturally appropriated western fast food.  If there ever was something that defined the west as much as yoga defines India it is fast food and obesity.  If people want to cry about us learning the yoga then I am going to cry about non-western nations getting the golden arches.  I am sorry but if our women :) and some men :( can't dress in yoga pants and bend in all sorts of very odd positions then you all cannot enjoy our fatty, sugar filled processed food cooked in fatty oil.  Just as people in India have culturally appropriated our love of fast food and made it their own such as no beef on the menu in India, we in the west have taken yoga and added lulus.  Instead of crying about it lets go have a chicken burger and then get into some tight pants and try to touch our toes.

Sadly because those at the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa have lost their balls and have taken political correctness to the extreme they need our help.  I am sure someone in the science department has a powerful microscope to help them find their itty bitty, tiny, winy balls.  Leaders don't always acquiesce when it comes to cultural issues, they lead.  What makes Canada amazing is having so many different cultures coming together, giving us such wondrous variety when it comes to food, recreation, arts, dance, beliefs and perspectives.  Almost everything we are has been culturally appropriated.  Christmas is a pagan holiday.



At some point people need to say enough is enough.  If you don't like seeing people do yoga then don't watch, go home, do something else, there is this thing called the TV.  I don't want to see people do yoga either because they make me feel inflexible and out of shape because I am inflexible and out of shape.

If you are doing yoga and need ice because you all like to do yoga when it is hot, trust you can call Columbia Ice and not have us complain you are culturally appropriating anything.  In fact if you tell everyone in yoga pants to leave then the iceman will do yoga with you.  Yoga pants can lead to icemen overheating which can be very dangerous.

Graham Iceman
ice@columbiaice.ca if you need ice.
If you must use the phone then call Sandra at 780-960-7161

Monday, November 9, 2015

Ice machine breaks, manager faints and a heart is broken.

Two hand drawn simple round faces of Ernie Iceman
Iceman of Columbia Ice
It is going to be a good day you tell yourself as you make it to work with enough time to chit chat the new waitress you hired.  It is not your fault that your manly machismo makes beautiful women want to have your children.  If anyone is to blame for your glorious lot in life it is your parents for letting you run the family business and giving you the perfect name of Bob.  A name nobody could spell wrong, especially you, even when you wake up drunk in Mexico having spent the money for a new ice machine on a well deserved vacation.  The old ice machine works fine.  It breaks down less than Archie's jalopy and the refrigeration technician comes quick to fix the problem when it does.

You can use the old machine for another year and save more money than the cost of the trip to Mexico which your parents unknowingly paid for when they fronted you the money for the new ice maker.

Pip the waitress you hired because her name is unique like yours smiles when she sees you.  You knew the first moment you saw Pip's application it was meant to be.  Now... it is just a matter of convincing her that you are the man of her dreams.

You are about to speak and tell her the most amazing story in Mexico, at least the way you tell it.
How you rocked the night away with a Mexican rocker, a Calgarian realtor, some wrestler who had a lot of concussions and you.   Like idiots you even walked home at night in Mexico to your hotel like dumb tourists do when they want to get shot, robed, stabbed but you four laugh at death.  Some tourists make it back to the hotel and others not so much.  Come to think of it in Mexico even being in the actual resort doesn't mean you are safe.

5 guys striking a pose for a picture.
Rocked Mexico
The one time you had a chance to be better company than a book for a lady you chicken out, crash, bang, boom, but you can't tell Pip that.  Women want men that are wanted is what your sisters cosmo said.   Your mouth was open, you breath in, your voice box just about to begin to vibe...

"The ice bin is empty, I don't think the ice machine is working."

 A voice that sounds like Fred the bus boy yells.
ice machine
ice machine

Everyone is looking to you with your farmer's tan as one day you forgot sunscreen while wearing a t-shirt because you were insecure about your craft beer belly, the manager to save the day.  Pip and all the other attractive women you hired to serve food at your fine family friendly establishment as back up in case Pip didn't love you back, all standing there looking at you.  Is this cosmic retribution for abusing your position as manager to hire as many young ladies over the age of 18 you could see yourself spending your life with in the search for love you wonder.

"Call Ronny Refrigeration, the number is on the wall next to the phone." 

The same dish washer savant Fred who spoke before, speaks again almost on purpose right before sound is to leave your throat saying the same thing.  Dam you Fred you curse under your breath.

Quickly you run to the office, dial the number from a card stuck to the wall.  It dawns on you that when you need to keep the refrigeration tech's card on the wall it is likely time to buy a new ice maker.

The guy comes quick, diagnosis the problem.  Surprise, surprise, he laughs at you and says you need a new ice machine.  Hands you a financing plan, pats you on the back and says call him.

Your shirt is wet.
Did you remember to put deodorant on?
You Stumble to the thermostat.
No ice machine means no ice.
No ice means warm cocktails, pop and H2O along with your mother saying I told you so.
You notice two tables of families enjoying the show because let's be honest, most of us live boring lives.  The drama of a hero when faced with the insurmountable odds of a woman he obviously is smitten with surrounded by more attractive women, Fred the bus boy and a cranky ice machine that just can't keep up, is better than looking for something to watch on Netflix.
It is too much, you feel your brain start to overheat, the floor is wet.
Dam you Fred and your dish water.
Roof is dirty.
Fred the bus boy can clean that.
You smile.
Thud.
dog with ball in mouth on ground, pretending to be man down
Man Down

...things go black.

You wake up on the floor with your head the middle of two 5 pound bags of ice sandwich and it feels good.  You can hear Pip and Fred the bus boy talking to what sounds like a paramedic.  .

"What happened?"

After hearing Pip describe the events you were awake for Fred goes on about how he had pulled out his iPhone, clicked on safari, googled "ice delivery Edmonton", thumbed call Columbia Ice and Ernie's Iceman delivered 15 big bags of ice.  Out of the corner of your eye you notice Fred has used the trauma of you fainting to comfort Pip and make things physical.  You always thought Fred was smooth with a face cloth but you never knew he had the moves when it came to the the ladies.    

Sadly fainting under pressure does not attract the ladies as much as being ice cool under pressure.  Fred the bus boy got the date with Pip.  He has a future going to night school to become a seeing eye person for blind dogs.  You are a manager of a family friendly restaurant with no ambition to be more than a manager you hear your mom saying. Your heart breaks, you almost cry, saved in time by the perfectly sized, prime number 5 lb bag of ice freezing your tear ducts closed.

It is barely enough ice cube to hold back the gusher that arises when you hear nobody actually called 911.  There you are laying half dead like a pig with an apple in it's mouth.  All your staff does is created a vine from the security footage , shared it reddit, video went viral, and someone in a comments section on facebook who was a regular called the paramedics.

Dam you Fred the bus boy.

You learned the hard way that in Edmonton, Spruce Grove, St. Albert, Sherwood Park and friends when your ice machine breaks and the refrigeration technician can't come fix the problem right away, you just need to call Columbia Ice.  From now on Bob will let Columbia Ice stress the ice because he has enough to stress with Fred taking Pip to the movies.

Ernie and Sandra are the owners and I am the Master Iceman.  Together we are Ernie Iceman and when you need ice in a hurry give us a call.

Until then stay cool.

Graham Iceman
@ernieiceman
780-960-7161
ice@columbiaice.ca
columbiaice.ca
ice is always cool


Sunday, November 1, 2015

Yakupov just doesn't understand what it takes to win.

Consistency and a willingness to assert ones self on the ice even when it hurts.  Too often Yakupov watches other people do the dirty work along the boards instead of getting his hands dirty.  McDavid a kid is more willing to go to the dirty areas than Yak who spends way too much time waiting for a perfect pass.  The reason you take the body is because it should create a little separation between player and puck.  At the very least the defence will rush the play and upon occasion turn it over like we do.  The whole waving your stick at it the puck like Yak likes to do makes him just another soft, unwilling to pay the physical price of winning player.  I would make it clear to Yak that if he wants to stay on that McDavid line he needs to get 3 hits a game.  Right now with the Draisaitl player will with Hall and RNH, when Eberle comes back if Yakupov doesn't get a hell of a lot better than welcome to the dreaded 3rd line. The thing is Yak is good at it hitting.  Strong, low centre of gravity and not a risk of getting a head shot to anyone as his vertical sucks.    He seems like someone you have to work hard to convince him to do it.

Every time you go up a level in any sport you have to reinvent yourself because there is a higher quality of player.  In the NHL you need straight ahead speed to enter the zone and back the defence off.  The hope was Yakupov would be like Bure but his straight ahead speed has never been as good as the Russian Rocket.  In close spaces he is quick just not straight ahead which is why he sucks at entering the offensive zone.  His tendency to go horizontal not only causes him to turn the puck over more often but also increases the chances of his teammates going off-side.  Teams know this, take away the McDavid outlet which usually gets you a few turnovers as guys are looking for him too much.  Yakupov will get at least one or two offsides a game with his inability to enter the zone at speed.  The dump and chase only works if you have guys willing to be physical which Yak could be if he stopped wanting to play pretty hockey and added a little Putin to his game.

I think it would help Yakupov's game if he added the pest element to his game.  He is the type of player you almost don't want to hit if you are the opposing team because it gets him involved physically.  For him to be a successful NHL player anywhere near his draft status he needs to become assertive, initiate contact consistently and be a mean SOB to play against.  A pest role would put him in the state of mind I believe he needs to be in to be an effective NHL player.

Winning and losing is about paying the price.  There is no magic formula to maximizing your skills.  It is just hard work, blood, sweat, tears and most of all want.  People talk about heart as this abstract thing even though it is very tangible.  Heart is really about playing a sport with such desperation that you do so with little regard to the pain of your own body.  Even if you are bruised all over, playing back to back and everything hurts you take the body because the need to win is greater than the pain you feel when you hit someone with your bruised shoulder.  When I look at the Oiler first overall draft picks I see four young men at different stages in the process of learning there is a price that has to be paid if they want to win consistently.  Winning hurts, there are no short cuts, pretty hockey is for junior, this is the NHL and if you want to succeed you have to leave it on the ice.

RNH needs to shoot the puck more.  Guy has a wicked shot.

Hall needs to fight Jamie Benn.

Graham Iceman
rabid Oilers fan

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Washington Capitals clean out Oiler's ears.

Winning is wonderful, there is nothing quite like it.  Just ask Charlie Sheen, his hookers and coke dealer.  When it comes to a hockey team like the Oilers, full of first round picks winning is something they haven't felt for a long time.  For the first time in forever the team is actually competitive.. well most nights.  The rub with a young team is winning also makes players deaf to coaching which is what happened last night against the Washington Capitals.

When the Oilers were winning they were cutting the ice in half, making the passing lanes smaller, clogging up the good scoring areas.  Last night there was a ton of room to pass the puck, to drive the net, to do whatever Washington wanted.  There was no physical presence to deter them.  On offence they seemed to lose a lot more battles than they won.  If you are going to dump and chase, you better get the puck or punish someone with a hit.  Too often the Oilers were soft when trying to get the puck from dump.  Making half hearted efforts.  There was a complete lack of willingness to engage the caps by our top six forwards.  When they got shots away too often they missed the net resulting in the puck leaving the zone.   

McLellan wanted to know how his team responded after winning a little.  Predictably the young Oilers when they win seem hear coaches less and press clippings more.  They start playing marshmallow hockey because playing winning hockey hurts and is hard to do, something young teams have to learn to do consistently.  There are no nights off when you make 6 figures.  Winning will never feel physically good because to win in hockey your body will end up bruised and battered.   Hall can be bullied which is how you keep him to the outside.  He lacks the Messier mean gene which he will need to find if he wants more open space.  Yakupov still likes to do cute crap when the times when he has success are when he keeps his game simple.  Instead of playing solid positionally too much dipsy doodle from top six forwards like they are in junior and can do things the wrong way and still win based on skill alone.  In junior you can be soft, not go into the hard areas, or sacrifice their body by hurling it at bigger opponents and still win.  The thing is they are not in junior and everyone in the NHL can play the game at a high level.   Every inch of ice against good teams like the Caps you have to fight for and be willing to pay the physical price, something the pretty boy first round picks of the Oilers were not willing to do.  

The good news for Oiler fans is the occasional lose can be good for a young team.  Nothing cleans the ears out like getting your ass whipped.  Now the team will be able to hear McLellan when he instructs them on how to play the game the right way.  Tis the up and down rollercoaster of learning to win consistently.  

Exciting times to be an Oiler fan and all you chumps who said the Oilers should of drafted Eichel over McDavid after 3 games... there is no cure for stupid.

The Iceman


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Would Jack Layton have beaten Justin Trudeau?

NDP losing seats to me was because people voted for Jack Layton.  The illusion in our vote for party system is we don't vote for the leader even though a lot of people do exactly that.  Who cares who your MP they always vote along party lines anyways.  Leader sets the tone for the party which follows and asks how   Jack had paid his dues, had a tangible love for Canada and was someone people had a great affection for.  Yes Canadians tend to stick to red or blue like our American friends but occasionally we like orange.  Jack Layton was someone that would of definitely shaken Ottawa up.  It would of been really interesting to see the NDP led by Jack against Trudeau and the liberals because this election was about wanting a different face and voice more than a condemnation of Stephen Harper.

David Staples articulated it best 
I don't believe Harper was bad for Canada.  We got through a recession rather unscathed.  We just needed a change, a different voice, one with a bit more hope.  If it was Jack, Justin and Harper who would you pick?   What you get would be a minority government.  

Talk to Ice
Master Iceman

Friday, October 16, 2015

Oilers taking steps forward on the ice, not scoreboard

Losing sucks.  You spend all summer hitting the weights, puking your guts up running stairs,
taking baths in ice swimming in water and you still lose.  That is the story of the Edmonton
Oilers and familiar story oil fans have seen year after year.  The good news is the way the
Oilers are losing is a lot better than they have lost in the past as there is more compete,
more structure and a willingness to engage the other team, all that have been missing for
the past ten years.  The only reason this has not resulted in more wins is because the Oilers
played some pretty darn good teams in their first four games.  St. Louis is a bully of a team.
They don't back down from any battles, play solid position hockey and will impose itself on
the other team because it can.  Nashville has a goalie you just don't score against and some
pretty big, mean dmen who many of the Oilers would just bounce off of if they hit.  Dallas has
forwards which make the oil dmen look like pylons.

It isn't realistic to expect a young team learning another new system, still thinking the game is going to be able to beat those types of teams on a consistent basis.  Oiler fans like myself have to take solace in the fact players like a Yakupov and Shultz are playing much better defensively. If you look at positional play you will notice that the Oiler players are learning to cluster together in order to provide solid puck support.  They seem to be cutting the ice in half which reduces the open shots in the middle of the ice which has plagued the team.  There is some progress being made..

What concerns me is none of the Oiler top draft picks have become the offensive dynamos we all believed being a number one draft pick meant.  Yakupov has a great shot but he seems to hit the goalie or miss the net too often leading to a breakout on the other end.  I don't know if it is confidence with him, thinking too much or he simply does not have an accurate enough shot.  Yak doesn't seem to find open space enough to give a guy like McDavid an open passing lane.  Hall works hard, skates fast and has some good plays but sometimes he can get bullied out of a game.  Nobody fears hitting Hall because he lacks the Mark Messier lose your marbles, beat you to a pulp gene.  Against Dallas everytime he touched the puck Hall was getting hit.  If were coaching against Hall I would have
my team get physical with him every time he touches the puck.  RNH has turned into a decent two way center, exactly what you want from a first overall pick.  You know he will make a good solid play but without Eberle his offensive game is very limited.

as for McDavid.. he doesn't count because he is in his first year.  Frankly you don't really have to worry too much about the kid as he does many of the things that it takes years for most people to figure out.  He back checks relentlessly, not afraid to mix it up and does play with a small edge.  McDavid might not wear a C but there is someone you can see other players wanting to follow, just in how he plays the 200 foot game.  In many ways McDavid is light years ahead of the other first round picks in the way he does things on the defensive end.

I think it is fair to say we won't be the flames or avalanche this year and in order not to lose one's marbles as a fan I think we all have to lower our expectations for this team.  Small improvements which in theory should lead to big improvement in years to come... in theory for teams not named the Oilers.

Graham Iceman



Saturday, October 10, 2015

Niqab issue splits Quebec and helps sell war against ISIS.

Elections are won and lost on emotional issues.  Find the one thing that you can paint push someone into a corner about that will over ride logic and sanity.  What gay marriage and abortion use to be. From what I heard on the radio the woman in the niqb verified who she was in private by showing her face and then in the group ceremony said the yadda yadda yadda with everyone else while she kept the niquab on.  The women in the Niqab respected our security concerns with the mountain of paperwork, showing her face when needed in private and simply wanted the group aspect, the part where she got to join this great country which respects a person's right to be different within reason, to respect who she chose to be.  Same world different eyes problem.
image of woman in a niqab
Niqab
In north america we are still tramatized by Al Qaeda, which lead to Afghanistan, to Iraq and rebranded with ISIS or ISIL.  People spend too much time watching the worst of us online over and over again not understanding that the majority of us are good people.  The media we consume, which we use to define the world, is the worst aspects of mankind.  Each nation of very like minded people fed a different story of the other building distrust.  In Quebec this distrust is an emotional issue for them as they are distrustful of women in masks.  It is a brilliant move by Stephan Harper who needs to break the NDP strong hold in Quebec on a provincial level

Equally important it helps keep people saying yes spend our tax money on fighting ISIS an ideology that is the obvious consequence of western imperialism.  If we really look at history without the biases you will find depending on where books are written, you will see many of our leaders and politicians were not the brightest of folk.  It could be argued we elect these perfect people, who never once have said anything interesting in social media, never messed up, never actually lived an interesting life who can't relate to us so we are to blame for electing or allowing dumbasses to define who we are as a nation.  The most amazing thing is we will continue to repeat the same mistakes of the past.

I sound like a nutjob whose frostbite on the brain has gone deep when I say there are CEO's who run huge ass companies that make lots and lots of money selling WMD.  They need war and we are addicted to it.  There is nothing like watching a good bombing on TV.  Look at our troops blowing shit up.  Instant movies with military plots about running at bullets.

Think Russia wants a pro-west leader who will buy US WMD and not Russian?  Such a joke that they said Lybia was about human rights, not so much about Syria.  If only Syria had oil we might care more.  The fantastic thing about war is it is a fantastic way to give the economy a boast.  Nothing like a good influx of taxpayer money in the big, marching, socialist element we don't see as a socialist element like healthcare called our military.   Bob forbid we care more about saving our people instead of asking them to run at bullets.  Russia and the west sell weapons to the civil wars in both the Ukraine and middle east.  ISIS is good for business.

The niqab indirectly brings up many of the negative images we are fed in the west towards the people of the middle east.  We are told through the media we consume over and over again, without ever reading anything to the contrary to fear the women in the niqab.  It, along with any muslim religious dress is something that has been warped since 911.  They may have been branded as different wars, Afgan, Iraq and ISIS but they are the same result of Bin Laden who was the result of a previous war against Russia.  From the ashes of one war are born the the soldiers for the next and next.  The folly of an eye for an eye is it never ends and is easy.  Forgiveness is what we struggle with, war is something we are use to paying for, elections can be won and lost by issues that affect so few of us because we see the same world from different eyes with vastly different perspectives with strong geographic biases.

If it is a deciding factor in who to choose for ice in Edmonton, Alberta, then rest assured we will never ask to see your face, and we are not going to tell you how to live your life.  We at Columbia Ice have enough to do with making and delivering ice.

I like folk with or without masks.

Nobody, not one person we delivered ice to lectured me or tried to convert me.  It is amazing how people are just people who want the same thing.  Big world, vastly different experiences and yet so few understand that there could not be one way to find your way in this world and give peace to the questions of what happens next.  If you go out in public you will realize people, children, teenagers, dogs, cats disagree with eachother and often need the same information presented in different ways.  It is folly to expect or even want all people to act and think the same.  Just as a diverse DNA pool makes for a stronger people so does a diverse perspective pool.  We are stronger in Canada for having the women of the niqab.  Clearly our war based solution solving does not work.  We spend billions on accomplishing some task which is undone when we go home, then some man or woman in a suit will say we are going to spend billions more.  Maybe it is time we break down the walls of fear, mistrust and stereotypes and get to know eachother instead of trying to enforce our belief systems upon others.
Don't call me a bleeding heart liberal for not liking war.. call me a cheapskate.  you spend a fortune on making wmd, and they spend a fortune on infrastructure for their country.  We blow it up as fast as we can turn taxpayer money into WMD which is likely burning money and then use taxpayer dollars to rebuild the buildings we just blew up, go home and then have to spend billions more to stop people who spend too much time on their phones, the next generation mixed with the old puppet masters with an iphone.  At the same time America has become self sufficient with oil production.  None of us in the west need middle eastern oil anymore.  We still need to sell WMD to the areas, keeping some sort of war going on to boast the economy.  Good news is if peace is found in the middle east, we always have Russia and the Ukraine.

Anyone know what barbaric practises are legal to be made illegal?  I think the fact most health plans don't cover cialis and/or viagra is barbaric.  I think using the American ice company is barbaric when there is a local one.  Call me mentally ill, call me frostbitten, call me crazy but I am pretty much sure our judges put people in jail for being barbaric to other people.

Ernie is one of the owners, I am the Master Iceman.  Together we are Ernie Iceman and if you need ice in Edmonton, Spruce Grove, St Albert, Sherwood Park and area, give us a shout.

Graham
ice@columbiaice.ca
780-960-7161
@ernieIceman

http://columbiaIce.ca

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Is it reasonable for non-lawyer folk to understand Terms Of Service?

rather watch ice melt than read TOS
It doesn't matter if you are on facebook or buying a URL on godaddy there is always that point where you have to agree to their terms of service (TOS).  Usually you just select a box without reading anything because in most cases you need to be a lawyer to understand all the legal mumbo jumbo.  Facebook which has had to do better than most still is couple of pages of text you have to absorb into your brain.  I argue there is no point trying to read TOS because it would be like reading french.  You might be able to sound out the words but unless you speak french, you won't have a clue what you are saying.  Maybe you might understand one or two words on their own but not within the context of a legal document.  Maybe a better comparison would be Shakespeare since it is in English and like legal documents nobody really has a clue what people are saying without a translator.  I can't afford a translator of the legal kind to explain to me the far reaching implications of agreeing to terms of service on a website.

I remember the last time I talked to a lawyer I was trying to get a trademark sorted.  We had a conversation on the phone for maybe five minutes about what I wanted done.  Two weeks later I get a letter summarizing what the 5 minute conversation was about and a bill for $300.  That was the last time I talked to that lawyer.  I told him to cease and desist.  Charged me an hour for a 5 minute phone conversation and I never asked him to type out a letter telling me what he was doing in text because telling me on the phone wasn't enough work to charge me for an hour.

In some cases it would probably take a pretty talented lawyer to explain to me in simple enough terms to understand a websites TOS.  I don't have that kind of money, lawyers are expensive to talk to, let alone have them do work for you.  I could probably this question to software in general which also generally makes you agree to some terms of service.

This all begs the question, is being stupid a defence if you were in theory to break a website's or software's terms of service?  For a layman's person it is not reasonable to expect them to read and understand what they are agreeing to when it comes to terms of service.  If you can't understand what you are signing, can you be legally responsible if you break the terms of the contract?

I have no idea and I can't afford to ask a legal mind.  It is just one of those things I wonder every time I click I agree.

If you happen to end up on this blog in the geographic location of #yeg and friends, wanting ice, just give Ernie a call.  I am the iceman, the crazy looking guy who will bring you your big bags of ice.  




Tuesday, April 21, 2015

BS meter prevents the big Iceman in the office from getting scammed.

When you run a small business you have to wear many hats.  I am not just an ice delivery man.
not these hats, but hats
I make ice, deliver ice, sell ice, blog, vlog, tweet and upon occasion I get in fights with the company we hired to build our website which is going to lead to me building us a website.  My boss on the other hand other than being the guy we call to fix the bagger when it breaks down handles phone calls, emails, organizing drivers, making ice, delivering ice and my least favourite thing in the world.. PAPER WORK.  I have a fear I will die from a paper cut just as sleeping beauty will sleep from a spindle prick.  Death is just the sleep that never ends.  

Ernie gets to deal with people calling about all sort of things.  The other day he gets a call from some guy saying he works with the collections department of first line publishing and we owe them money.
image of what a scammer could look like.
Dan the Scammer
Ernie asks a few questions, says email us the information guessing they were a scam.  

The scammer sent an email saying we owed them approx $800 for SEO work his business did.  He had a fancy invoice so at first glance it looked legit.  At this point I told Ernie that I would handle it. A legitimate business will usually pay attention to details.  So after doing a few searches, researching the company I found there was no mention of  First line publishing on the internet.  Not a website, a mention or a tweet about First line publishing in Quebec.  I then drafted an email which I sent to Dan.


Dan,

Yesterday you contacted Ernie Graveline saying we owed you money for a two year contract of what seems like SEO work.  We have no record of this and you certainly did not do any work for us in terms of SEO.  We also did not find a website or any online information regarding your existence.  Because of the lack of information and the fact the only SEO work done for us has been in house we will not be issuing a cheque.  If you feel we have the wrong information please provide us with a detailed document highlighting the work you have done for us.  We would also like a web and social media addresses for your business so we can better understand who first line publishing is because you do not show up on google when I search "first line publishing."  Someone with SEO knowledge would know how to set their website to show up.  www is not the appropriate beginning of an email address.  Your address should be firstlinedanlewis@outlook.com not www.firstlinedanlewis@outlook.com another thing someone with knowledge of the web should know.  

Please do not contact us again either by phone or email unless you can provide much more detailed information.  

Sincerely,

Graham Michaels


If you look at the way Dan signed his email below, "Fist" Not "First" you can further see he is nothing more than a scammer trying to take advantage of the fact someone might be over busy.  

Dan Lewis Collections Manager , Fist Line Publishing Inc.
www.firstlinedanlewis@outlook.com 

I wonder if back in the day, when you had to scam in person, in the wild, wild west, did a cowboy give the evil eye, pull out his six shooter, fire and then say... how do you like those bags of ice pilgrim?

Can't answer from the beyond?

If you have to need actual bags of ice filled with ice in Edmonton or St.Albert give Ernie at Columbia Ice a call.

The Iceman
Call for ice: 780-960-7161
Follow: @ernieiceman
Review us:  on google

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Sunday, April 12, 2015

Why do we even have a senate if its power is ceremonial in Canada? | #rWeStupid

If we were more logical than sentimental it would be easy to have a smaller, more focused government, instead the bloated idiocy it seems from the media we are exposed to in the satire sites that shape our minds.  There is no objective media, there is only unique clicks.  Our world is painted in the gore, violence, sex and scandal because that gets the most clicks.  We paint and see our world like this .001%, the worst of us never delving more deeply beyond the headlines to the deep truths and understanding.

I look our government and wonder why we are so willing to spend taxpayer money on largely ceremonial positions like a senate which we don't need nor want, but apparently can't get rid of.  I don't understand this because laws are written on paper, then digitized.  It would be as simple as asking someone to write up a new law saying we refuse to spend another dime on fat guys and gals in suits eating large and living like a godfather.   The days when the senate actually used it's power are gone like the glory days of the Edmonton Oilers unless they keep Todd Nelson and go young in goal, on defence with Nurse and that german Gretzky whose name I cannot spell.  Canada is more than laws written on paper, it is an evolving nation where money can be better spent on Canadians, not rich friends of the party who like to wear suits and live fat off the money I pay the tax man.

It seems asinine, ridiculous, that here we are a bunch of men standing around our constitution and laws saying we don't want a senate but it is not possible to get rid of.  Burn it to the ground if it no longer works and write a new one.  Why are we bound by the imaginations of the past where monarchs ruled the world believing they were second to god?  The greatest con is the fact we all still pay homage to british imperialism.  How many positions in government are largely ceremonial to the queen?  Why are we so obsessed with a symbol of something we died to revolt against because they were horrible tyrants?  I get having one person elected representative to be our international Canadian diplomat to the world.  Sort of a ceremonial face to play the game abroad to get the investment dollars we want.   If the laws don't work for the people then the law should be changed.

This whole idea of g8 or g20 or gwhatever summits baffles me.  You can't use skype.  You spend a billion dollars on security because you can't buy an island, an aircraft carrier, a Tim Hortons, a bunker, a submarine, a destroyer, a private resort only a few people actually know about with lots of missiles and guns preventing something bad from happening like a military base with lots of guns?  Anything would have been cheaper than the photo shoot that is really what they summits are about, not that anyone ever really pays attention to the summit when g8 or g20 is also an excuse for the disenchanted to act out until they are saddled with criminal records preventing them from leaving a nation they do not recognize.

Do you ever need to yell at a bag of ice because when you read about the world, its politics and the bullshit things men and women in suits say and do that are contrary to the best interests of a nation I love enough to get mad at.  We shouldn't be bound by the ways of the past if they hinder our future.  Canada and Canadians should be able to write their own future and create the type of government that represents who we are, who we were.

Get rid of the bullshit.

Stop blaming each other for the failures of the past like we didn't read about it on twitter, facebook and every news channel or station or website or radio program a million times over.  Once upon a time I would like to believe someone got up and said this whole king and queen concept is idiotic, lets ask the people what they want.  Lets give every single Canadian a choice in their future.  Someone who had vision and wasn't lost in a silly game of men and women in suits who can't be civil enough to talk directly, having to go through a mr. spreaker.

Lets have a vote.  End the senate or continue to pay fat people to get fatter because taxpayer money is fattening.  Stop spending money on Bullshit positions to a monarch which are just people and never really did the have the ear of god.  We sadly were duped by cunning men and women of the past who had enough military power to control the masses.  Learn to use skype or even buy blackberry and build an app that NSA can't listen in on.  Take what you save and give it back to the people and businesses in Canada who you took it from.

Man should never be bound by paper and ink like ice should never be bound by ink and plastic.  Break the mold, pop the bag.  Politics make me wants to scream... how about you?  What about it makes you want to scream?  bob my friend the one I scream at is just a big bag of ice.  You can order 15 bobs which is 15 25lb bags of ice if you are having a party or just needing to yell about the illogical nature of men and women in suits.

#gIceman

Monday, March 30, 2015

Radio hosts on TSN 1260 need to learn there is no luck in sports. #advancedStats

advanced stats ruining sports radio in #yeg
There is no luck in sports.  Anyone who has played any sport at a high level will tell you athletes make their own luck in the off-season when nobody else is around.  While losers are out at the clubs with the ladies, winners are in the gym lifting weights and practicing game skills.  There are no lucky teams in sports either.  Winning and losing is a product of dedication, sacrifice, doing everything you can to make your team better.  Calling it luck is insulting because it reduces all the hard work, blood, sweat and tears to random chance.  Lucky is what advanced stats nerds used on the tsn1260 in #yeg to describe teams like the Calgary Flames this year.  It is the phrase which makes me change the station because you lose all credibility to me when you call a team like the Flames lucky.  Lucky in reference to hockey is just the areas in which advanced stats do a poor job of describing in quantitative ways, not that you would ever hear an advance stats nerd say that.  Instead an advanced stat nerd, unable or unwilling to admit the limitations of their data will use the word lucky to describe teams that have success despite poor corsi, fenwick, possession stats etc.  They will ignore what they don't know as if it has no effect on the larger picture even though chaos theory says small things, tiny little variables which are beyond our ability account for can have a big effect.

I am not against advanced stats.  I do believe there is a place for them in all sports, especially when you consider the money being thrown around.  I am just against the way some folk will talk about them as if a player or team's worth can be determined solely by the areas numbers describe well.  You see it in twitter where some media folk will cite two or three statistics and say this player should play over another with less impressive stats.  It is illogical because you shouldn't be speaking in absolutes when it comes incomplete data.  How do you know one player with poor stats hasn't worked hard to improve and is killing it in practice whereas the player with better stats is dogging it in practice?  

Every sports team I was on had a stats person.  One year it was Wayne, who did a very interesting Maria Carry impersonation ending with a mini-mini-skirt and legs no man had business having as they were better than most women's.  In college we just called the stats guy, Stats.  Stats folk usually were not all that athletic but wanted to be a part of a team atmosphere.  Who can blame them as there is and will never be anything that will ever match the comradely, hard work and the journey that is a sports season.  The trials and tribulations of success and failure through shared experience bring people closer together.  Even on the exterior, as a stats person, it is a pretty cool experience.  Yes, Charles Barkley is 100% correct in that most stats guys never get the girl or the opportunity to  play the game.   When I discuss advanced stats nerds I am not talking about the people at the end of the benches entering the data into a computer or on a score sheet. I am talking about those who look at the raw data and derive insight into a player or team based on quantitative data.

When I think about advanced stats I see a future where all stats are uploaded in real time from the lowest levels to the highest through rink and jersey gps systems.  All sports are very much behind when it comes to using modern technology to actually determine if the ball crossed the goal line or the puck went in the net, the location of the puck to player, the velocity of the shot, and/or pass. The roles of the guys and gals who collect the raw data will change as clever developers will generate vast amounts of data instantly.  You want to know the corsi or fenwik of some kid in the WHL you will be able to pull up an app on your iphone, search the player and then see his current stats.   The reason this will happen is because even the best scouts rarely get it all right.  Giving them extra data to really help find those gems in the later round may reduce misses.  A GM could say to a scout, "this player seems to have a positive effect when he is on the ice based on the numbers, I would like you to take another look visually."  When you are giving million dollar contracts you kind of want decent hockey players.  Advanced stats can help find those who fall through the cracks, or give more confidence to the eyeball test where you see a player in person and then look at the stats after to confirm what you saw or vice versa.

I see advanced stats more as tool for a general managers than for a coach or player.  Any coach worth their salt is going to know from hours of observation in practice and previous games which players do well in which situations.  If you don't know your players better than the limited quantitative data available then you won't be coaching long.  Those who play and coach the game should be focused on the processes needed to achieve success not the after the fact data. It is the actions of hustling back on defense, making the right pass or play instead of going for glory in a tight game, getting your body in a good position to shoot the puck, etc... which both coach and player have to work together to focus on.  Every sport and every position, from player to team has a series of steps needed to climb in order to find success.  The idea is you work on those steps in practice, and on your own so when game time comes you play the game on instinct.  Instead of thinking the game, you feel and react allowing for muscle memory of years of practice to take over.  The last thing that should be on a players mind is I should shoot so my corsi looks better.  Similarly the last thing on coaches mind should be which players do I keep on the ice to have a good corsi.  Yes, advanced stats is a good measurement of progress, but again the end result is not what the player or coach should be focused on.  Winning teams and players don't scoreboard watch.  They focus on process of being successful whatever that may be.  

None of what I described above in the processes needed for success  are described well by advanced stats.  These are areas advanced stats say nothing.  There is no data describing a player's practice habits.  How hard is that player with a low corsi is trying to get better.  They don't tell you if the player did that last set of clean and jerks or did they go over to the bench press.  When their friends want to go out partying how many times did that player say no I got to get some sleep so I can be ready to go tomorrow.  Advanced stats say nothing of a person's upbringing, mental make up and will to win. An athlete and a team is very much like an iceberg.  What we see as fans on the ice, the part which there are advanced stats for is just a small part of a bigger picture thus one should be careful not make too many blanket statements.

To be fair some in the advanced stats world do talk about the limitations of quantitative data.  Unfortunately it is mostly lip service as the next moment the same people will still talk as if the numbers are the end all when it comes to who is playing good, who should play in the next game, who should play at certain times, and even if a goalie should play back to back games.  Dallas Eakins for example came across very much as a coach by the numbers coach.  It was why Eakins never played Yakupov at the end of games or when the game was close.  The advanced stats said it wasn't wise and thus Eakins destroyed Yak's confidence.  Eakins was just following the numbers.   He didn't understand that you can't develop a player and coach by numbers.  Inexperience leads to mistakes which leads to poor statistics, leading to less playing time resulting in young players not developing.
Some have argued Eakins is the reason people in Edmonton are against advanced stats.  I argue that even though Eakins made advanced stats tough to stomach most people likely kept an open mind.  It isn't like Eakins is the first coach to talk statistics when discussing the success or failure of a team.

Other than the idiotic luck statement which drove me to turn off the radio, it is how much the hosts and guests were using advanced stats when discussing the Oilers that made me keep it off for entire shows.  Instead of having one or two advanced stats people a week it was often 3 or more a day across multiple shows.  Radio hosts or media types instead of talking about qualitative observations which require depth of knowledge and understanding of the game, discussed corsi or time of possession numbers.   Often these numbers were talked about by multiple hosts and guests, none offering any insight into the processes needed to improve them, instead using the numbers to suggest what coaches or GM's should or shouldn't do.   Advanced stats were talked about so much without anything new being said, it make radio unbearable at times..  I found myself yelling at the radio, screaming for someone to offer something new and insightful.  One radio host who I shall not name stated he didn' see any improvement in the Oilers under Nelson, likely because those improvements fit under the category of not described well by quantitative data.    Instead of being able to watch a game and make a qualitative observation, this radio host couldn't see past the stats page.  Back in the day before the number craze, a team looking better on the ice didn't have an asterisk next to it pointing out the raw data hadn't improved.  We use to as fans, media and those playing or around the game believe what our eyes told us, whereas now even if a team looks good on the ice, it isn't good enough unless that data supports it..  You will still have advanced stats nerds and those on the tsn1260 jump all over the data to dampen any excitement or hope a person might have from the eyeball test.  Perfect example is how some advanced stats folk refuse to acknowledge the positive effect Todd Nelson has had on the team.  They ignore the fact the team under Nelson is working harder and playing for each other, our offensive talent is actually playing like offensive talent and not grinders and the  positive development of the players the Oilers have invest high draft picks and money.  All that matters to an advanced stats nerd is that Todd Nelson doesn't have as good stats as Dallas Eakins, the coach that made Oiler hockey unbearable to watch. This inability to believe what one sees, and the need to always try to find something negative in the data was the final straw for me.

For the advanced stats nerds it isn't enough to win hockey games, you need to have good statistics when you win or your team just got lucky.

What is your view of advanced stats?

If you wanted 15 large bags of ice to keep your 7 kegs of beer cool while you ponder the question please let me know.  We at Columbia Ice are always happy to bring the good people of Edmonton and surrounding area ice.

The Iceman
Call for ice: 780-960-7161
Follow: @ernieiceman
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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

what do canoes have to do with ice delivery in Edmonton?

image of a beat up car
Not an SUV but you get the idea
Dear Ice so Nice,

I was driving down 97 street from Anthony Henday exit to get to a client near Kingsway when what looked like a bumper sport utility vehicle cut from the right hand turning lane, in front of me.

I didn't care he cut in front of my truck because  it was 3pm and my load was light.  If was early in the day when fully loaded, having to stop quickly would of caused my load of ice to come crashing forward and maybe I wouldn't of been able to stop.  Based on the collage of dents, broken driver side mirror, junior, what I called the driver, seemed to hit more than he missed.  Whatever, I don't really care, one more delivery and then I am done, I thought to myself..  Then the jackass started tailgating the guy in front with the canoe, driving in a very aggressive, somewhat erratic fashion.  Young punk, my new nickname for junior needed a lesson. The roads were good, the breaks were fine so I got as close to him as possible with still leaving myself plenty of room to stop.  I was pissed off he was trying to bully his way past the canoe.  I pretended to take a picture with the phone at the next set of lights. Young punk gets out at the light to take a picture of me. Happy to accommodate I give him a double finger salute and smile.  Apparently the young punk did not know iceman are grumpy folk, anti-social in nature and what really sets us off is when you tailgate a guy in a canoe.

Then the young punk turned into shoppers, tried to get a picture while cutting off the traffic behind him.  I just smiled and drove by because honestly what was the guy going to do?  Call my boss and tell him that I took a picture of him?

Sadly the young punk who actually had a gf in his bumper car didn't seem to learn the lesson.  Don't tailgate and try to bully the guy with a canoe
Image of canoe.
do not tailgate a canoe!!!
because you never know if the guy behind you is an iceman.  It is hard to drive with a canoe on your roof.  Give the person space.  When it comes to cutting people off on Alberta roads you just do not know what most trucks are carrying and will it shift.

One mistake I will give you the benifit of the doubt.  If your car carries many dents with multiple colors of paint and you tailgate a guy with a canoe on a Friday afternoon, watch out for the iceman, cause I am anti social with frostbite on the brain, young punk.

If you need big bags of ice or small bags of ice on a Friday afternoon and promise to not tailgate a man in a canoe, give Columbia Ice a shout.  If you call early enough we just might bring you ice.

The Iceman
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